I miss a time before this one.
I miss when blogs were open and rambling.
I miss when Instagram was a random assortment of unedited photos.
I miss not having to worry about clicks and likes and shares and conversions.
I miss my inbox that wasn’t full of Medium articles on “10 ways to make $1,000 a week that nobody knows about” (we know about them).
Let’s go back to that.
I don’t have a plan for this blog post. I just told myself I would start writing. This is me keeping a silent promise.
Do you ever feel like you want to say something but you have no idea what? I have felt that way for a while now. I tried so hard to find the shape of it through–journaling and research and starting and stopping.
Do I want to talk about marketing? Photography? Personal finance? Psychology? Books? Travel?
Somewhere in the depths of my Google drive, I have a content calendar I made well over a year ago. The theme was marketing for small businesses/individuals. Because that’s what I know. That’s how I’ve made money for the last 10 years. It felt safely in my lane.
I have not written a single one of those posts.
Now, I am accepting that the thing I want to say has no shape right now. It has same vague themes that pull me in 100 different directions.
I want to talk about photography.
And travel.
And books.
And psychology.
And politics.
And whatever else pops into my head.
I want to explore how it feels to be a person who has to work for money to survive and keep their meat-sack body healthy when all you want to do is sit in a field with friends and think your thoughts.
I want to talk about how we can live as individuals, feeding our own need, while balancing our responsibility to the societies we are a part of, not letting one consume the other.
I want to talk about the ways that someone goes about building who they are.
Mostly, I want to talk about the little experiments I am doing to figure out what I have to say.
So that’s what I’m going to do. It will be disjointed. It will be inconsistent. It will be bad writing (until it turns into better writing).
It will be growth. Or, it won’t. (I’m trying not to focus on the “productivity” of it all).
I hope I’ll eventually find something in the actual doing of it that leads to more clarity. Even if I don’t, I will have done something. I will have spoken. And my therapist and I are figuring out how I can view that as enough.
This is rambling thoughts post #1 of (hopefully) many.
Now, go do something for the sake of doing it.